Life After Death, Happiness After Divorce

Ever heard people say, "divorce feels like death"? I can attest that it truly is a death—a death of the only life and love you've ever known, a death of the time spent with the person you once thought you'd never live without. Above all, it is a death of self.

How do you rediscover yourself after such a monumental loss? Can you ever laugh again or allow yourself the permission to be happy? I've learned the hard way that if I don't actively push myself out of that rut, nothing and no one else can. Being happy isn't easy after that—it is a practice and an active choice. So, choose happiness every day! Give yourself permission to wash your hair and get out of bed. Sometimes, you need to trick your brain with intentional behavior. Smile, dance... fake it till you make it. No one can do this for you. Only you.

Do it for yourself, and you'll do it for others!

You are not the first person to feel broken and confused, nor the first to go through a divorce or have your heart ripped out. By choosing life and happiness, you not only change your life for the better but also inspire those around you.

I was fortunate. I had four incredible women around me when my world shattered. Each had their own versions of the same story with the same theme—pain and loss. When I sobbed, they sobbed with me; when I needed a good laugh, they provided it. They saw their pain reflected in me in its most grotesquely raw form. I love those ladies because they taught me about strength. Erna, Monique, Maureen, and Taz, my guardian angels. With their support, along with my family and amazing colleagues, I've made it this far.

A new start requires new rules and discipline. Here are a few great rules and guidelines that worked for me:

Find Your Voice

One of the most profound realizations I came to after my split was that I had lost my voice. Not just my physical volume, but my ability to express myself without hesitation. Losing your voice means losing your confidence. When I feel hesitant, I speak up more than ever before and am honest with those around me. I don't mean telling off your boss or intentionally upsetting people—it's about balancing unapologetically being yourself with your chosen mode/style of expression. You will need to use your own initiative in this area.

Build Your Confidence

Build your confidence by trying or doing things you didn't think you were capable of. When you push the limits that boxed your personality and opinions of yourself, you feel as though you could fly. It is freedom.

Find comfort in the discomfort for the sake of growth.

You've made it through one of the most uncomfortable experiences, so if you can do that, you can do anything! Accept discomfort and challenges so that you can grow as a person. Problem-solving requires learning and growing.

Set Boundaries

I'm a happy-go-lucky person and a people pleaser, so putting down strong, concrete boundaries is not easy for me. However, it's important so that you can eliminate what doesn't fit in the life you're trying to build for yourself. Stand up for what you believe in. Even when someone has strong opinions on your life and life choices, listen, but in the end, you decide what goes. Do not let anyone violate your system of peace.

After the Pity Party

On the days you lack the physical and emotional strength, give yourself permission to cry. When you're done with your pity party, here's what you do:

Do what gives you joy in that moment to pick yourself up and keep going.

Put on some music and dance like no one is watching and you just don’t care.

If you find yourself on top of a hill or mountain, let the tension go and shout. You may upset some people, but don't worry—you aren’t making waves if no one has a problem with you. Be heard, both physically and figuratively!

Are you someone who always shies away from conflict, yet it seems to follow you constantly? Fight! Not physically, but verbally and through actions. Fight for your life, your mental health, your happiness, and your passions. Fight by taking a stand and showing the world who you are at heart.

Participate in Your Life

Do things! Allow yourself to discover who you are in different ways. Learn, grow, and keep going. No one else can give you permission to participate in your own life.

Be Intentional! Be You!

Wishing you an endo-flare-free day as you enter into battle with yourself. 😊

Winston S. Churchill - “When there is no enemy within, the enemy outside can do you no harm."

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